


just in case (turn it around)

by johnnlaurenss



Series: turn it around [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, BUT MOSTLY ABSURD LEVELS OF FLUFF, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Just a little bit of Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, Romance, sort of, sort of!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 22:18:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnnlaurenss/pseuds/johnnlaurenss
Summary: He ponders for just a moment before thinking, fuck it, and pulls a drawstring bag out of the desk drawer to slip in his pocket.Just in case, he tells himself.***In which when things start to crumble, new beginnings can be built.





	just in case (turn it around)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy endings aren't in the pages of every story.
> 
> That's why this story gets one.
> 
> This is dedicated to all of you; I hope greatly that you get to see your happy ending come to life.

 

"Babe?" John calls. The drawer is a _mess_. John's obnoxiously in love with his boyfriend and living with Alex has plenty of perks; Alex's organizational skills are not one of them. " _Damn_ it, Alex. _Babe_!"

 

"What?" Alex snaps back. It sounds like he's in the kitchen. John rolls his eyes.

 

"Where the hell are my cufflinks? The ones Maria got me? This drawer is a fucking pigsty, how do you find anything?"

 

"You didn't put your cufflinks in the drawer because you knew you'd want to use them tonight," Alex calls. John turns around when he hears Alex enter the room. "Remember? You put them on the bathroom sink so you'd see them while you brushed your teeth."

 

John swears loudly under his breath. Alex is right, unfortunately. He kisses Alex swiftly before turning back to the bathroom and finding his cufflinks. "I swear to god I'm going crazy," he mutters.

 

Alex extends his hands and John gives him the cufflinks so he can put them on for John. "Senile, and at such a young age," he sighs. "Good thing you've got a super hot boyfriend who doesn't mind taking care of you."

 

John swats at Alex's ass with his free hand and laughs when Alex growls back. "Thanks," he says, when Alex is done. He takes a deep breath. "This event might actually kill me."

 

Alex rolls his eyes and reaches out to smooth the shoulders of John's suit. "This event's dress code might actually kill me," Alex says in response. "Who the hell thought it was a good idea to put you in a three-piece suit? _Fuck_."

 

John grins wickedly. "Probably the same person who thought it was a good idea to let you roll your sleeves and wear suspenders."

 

"Oh?" Alex teases, raising an eyebrow. His arms settle on John's shoulders, fingers twining in his curls as John's own grip tightens around Alex's waist. "So this gets you going?"

 

"I think we've established that you could wear nothing but a potato sack and it would still get me going," John murmurs. He leans forward and presses the faintest of kisses to Alex's neck, right above the collar of his dress shirt.

 

"I say we test that hypothesis," Alex gasps back, a bit breathless. He tugs on John's curls. "We can't - don't start something you can't finish, John, we're already late."

 

Instead of a response, John bites on the tender skin and licks over it. Alex gasps again, his hips rock up against John's, and he pulls harder on the curls.

 

"If," Alex moans. "Oh, god. _Christ_. If - if I show up with a hickey, Maria will k-kill me."

 

John finally, finally pulls away, only enough to lean forward again and press a bruising kiss to Alex's lips.

 

"You asshole," Alex laughs, but he kisses John back all the same. He does pull away, after a while, when he remembers he has to grab his watch. As Alex ducks out, John double-checks himself, and hesitates as he walks by the desk.

 

He ponders for just a moment before thinking, _fuck it_ , and pulls a drawstring bag out of the desk drawer to slip in his pocket.

 

_Just in case_ , he tells himself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They're late for the gala.

 

Fashionably late, John argues when Alex points this out on the cab ride over. Alex rolls his eyes and pats John's knee. Fashionably or not, Washington still raises an eyebrow at them when they walk into the gala.

 

"I'm sorry," Alex blurts out, when Washington approaches him. Martha's at his side, looking as stunning as ever in a yellow gown. "I'm sorry we're late. Something. Uh, came up."

 

Washington's gaze drops to the collar of Alex's shirt, where a new hickey is starting to form. "I'm sure," he says dryly. Martha laughs and smacks his arm.

 

"Be nice to the young boys, George," she scolds. "They're so in love. It's refreshing. Alex, John, it's lovely to see you again."

 

"Martha's always got our back," John says smugly, leaning forward to hug her and kiss her on the cheek. "You look beautiful, Mrs. Washington."

 

She pats his cheek affectionately. "Maybe next time just leave a mark where no one will see? Alexander is presenting an award tonight, after all."

 

John flushes in embarrassment. "Yes, ma'am," he murmurs. Alex laughs and kisses his cheek.

 

"How long until I'm on, anyway?" he asks. He checks the watch on his wrist. "Where is the lovely recipient anyway? Practicing an acceptance speech?"

 

Washington frowns. "Last I saw, she'd ducked into one of the rooms, I'd assumed to freshen up. It's been a while since she's been seen, though."

 

"The nerves, I'm sure," Martha says easily. "It's always terrifying the first time."

 

But there's something akin to worry in Martha's eyes, so quick John barely catches it before it's replaced with her usual look of practiced grace. Something settles unhappily on John's stomach at the thought; it dawns on him suddenly that Martha and Maria are a lot closer than either of them have ever noticed.

 

He gets swept up in the beauty of the gala too quickly afterwards to think too much about Martha's worry. He shakes hands and kisses cheeks and gets introduced as 'Professor Hamilton's significant other' or 'Alex's boyfriend' or 'Hamilton's partner' more times than he can count, and Alex is a godsend throughout it all. He's scarily good at this scene, fitting in wondrously and charming nearly everyone in the room.

 

He sits John down at a super fancy table, where his name card is sandwiched between Alex's and Eliza's. Alex sits by his side temporarily, but Eliza is nowhere to be seen.

 

They still haven't seen Maria either.

 

Alex takes his hand when the first speaker takes the pulpit, and almost silently Eliza slides into her seat. She looks beautiful in her silver gown, but her eyes are tight and her lips are pursed slightly. John nudges her slightly.

 

"You okay?" he mouths. She smiles sadly at him, and shakes her head with the slightest no. Immediately after, she's composed herself and the tightness in her gaze is gone completely.

 

The speaker is over almost as soon as he starts, and then Alex is kissing John's hand and making his way to the stage to present the award and Maria still hasn't been seen.

 

He takes the pulpit and smiles at the crowd. Now that he's up there, John realizes the hickey he'd left behind is actually _super_ noticeable. Someone whistles and points it out but Alex has more dignity than John could ever hope to possess and he just laughs it off. Eyes are on John but he's not embarrassed this time; he winks at the crowd and blows a kiss to Alex and the audience coos happily at them.

 

"Alright, alright," Alex says finally, his voice light with laughter. He looks beautiful in his dress clothes, smiling and healthy and sexy as all hell. "As much as I love showing John off, we _do_ have other important matters to attend to. As you know, this gala is hosted by the university to give thanks to its professors and to reward those who most benefitted the program this year.

 

"Of all the amazing things this university possessed, a dedication to the improvement of the arts was not one of them. One student took it upon herself to change that, and began raising funds and drafting plans to create an entire new arts program from scratch. No one asked her to do this; she wasn't paid for her efforts. She met with the dean just a few months after deciding to do this with her entire new platform planned, and walked out with a new job title and unlimited funding to an arts program that she has redefined. In just a few short years, this university is predicted to have one of the strongest art programs in the nation.

 

"It is my privilege and honor to have her as a colleague, but it is my pleasure to call her a friend," Alex finishes. "On behalf of the head staff, we proudly present an award named in her honor, the Reynolds Art Honors to Miss Maria Reynolds!"

 

Maria appears seemingly out of nowhere, waving kindly to people who cheer for you and wiping tears from her eyes as she takes the stage next to Alex. She kisses his cheek as he gives her the award, and then he's taking his place next to John and she's smiling broadly at the crowd at large. 

 

"Okay, wow," she says. She lets out a breathless laugh. "I've had at least a week to prepare for this and I'm still in shock. First of all, the warmest of thanks to the most amazing dean, who gave me and my thrown-together program a chance to succeed. I earned more walking out of that office that day than I could have even begun to imagine. Not only did I secure a spot on an incredible staff, I also became the youngest person to become head of any department at this university, I got to create a program entirely written by me, and I have this amazing award in which, when the time finally comes, I'll be able to award to students in my program who show excellence in the arts and promise for their future. Thank you, thank you."

 

People clap enthusiastically for her, Alex and John included, and Eliza smiles from where she sits.

 

"Secondly, I want to thank my own teachers who got me here. I dropped out of high school once but I had amazing teachers who reminded me that my art meant something, and I returned. Next, I want to thank my friends, who cheered me on and gave me coffee on the long nights. A huge thanks to my lovely girlfriend, Eliza, to whom I owe so much for nitpicking the problems in my designs. And finally, the biggest of thanks to all of you here, who looked at this divorced Latina high school dropout and still decided she had potential. I never imagined my life would ever end up here. Thank you for the opportunities, for the support, for the awards. I hope I'll do you all proud."

 

She blows one final kiss and people applaud her and she takes her seat next to Eliza as the next speaker gets up. Eliza kisses her cheek and John's smiling at them until he notices how stiff they both are.

 

Maria's eyes are red but it's not from accepting the award, and Eliza's hands are clenched tightly in her own lap, and they're close but they're not touching -

 

_Oh_.

 

John's heart constricts painfully.

 

Maria and Eliza have been together nearly as long as he and Alex have. Any time he ever fought with Alex, they were who he'd go to. They reminded him to believe in love, to trust in the person you chose to be with.

 

John holds Alex's hand a bit too tight after that.

 

 

 

Later, in the cab, as Alex is typing out a text on his phone, John whispers quietly, "Why are they fighting?"

 

Alex tenses considerably. To John's surprise, he puts his phone away and looks at John. "Who?" he asks, but John knows he already has the answer to that question.

 

Alex sighs, reaches out and reined his fingers with John's. "They think they've got nowhere else to go in their relationship," Alex begins. John tightens his grip on Alex's hand as shivers spread through his body. "They both want different things in the immediate future but they're scared of what the other wants. Maria is worried about getting married again, but Eliza isn't sure now is the time for them to be talking about kids. On top of the fact that Maria's priority has been revamping the arts program, Eliza hasn't been a main focus and it's straining them both."

 

John's trying not to shake but he's _scared_ , suddenly. Alex tugs him forward and presses a kiss to John's hairline, tries to soothe him. "They'll be okay," he promises. "They'll work it out. There's always somewhere for the relationship to go, John. It's okay. I'm sorry."

 

He swallows thickly. "I know," he says, laughing in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm. So freaked out, I guess."

 

Alex kisses him, on his lips this time, and warmth spreads through John's entire body. "It's okay," he says again.

 

John can't help but worry that everything is about to change.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Alex has to go to a conference in Jersey, and the plan was that John was going to go with him. But the orphanage is under a surprise inspection and Eliza is under enough pressure as it is so John helps Alex pack and kisses him soundly before pushing him away into a cab and waving as he leaves.

 

He'll be gone for three days, and John pretends it doesn't still suck when Alex goes away.

 

He watches the cab turn a corner. Then his phone is buzzing off the hook and it's back to real life.

 

The orphanage is ever-growing, which is a good thing in itself but it means that inspectors come down hard now and nitpick everything.He spends the first day without Alex deep-cleaning every room in the orphanage, helping the kids tidy their rooms and making sure everything is bright.

 

"The inspector's gotta love it here, John," the kids say. " _We_ do so _he_ will, right?"

 

John loves the babies more than almost anything else in the world.

 

One of the youngest babies, Theo, tugs on John's shirt as he's cleaning the dishes after dinner. He picks her up and she curls up against his neck.

 

"The inspector won't take us away, will he?" she asks, in the most timid of voices.

 

John _loves_ her.

 

"I won't let that happen," he vows.

 

He loves all the kids in their care. Every time they get a new one, he sits down with them and gets to know them and falls in love with every single kid to come through that door. He cries the hardest when they leave.

 

The inspector may nitpick everything John says or does, but they won't take away his babies.

 

He tucks Theo into bed that night and takes special care to go around and say goodnight to every kid.

 

Then he collapses down in the chair in their office, and he puts his face in his hands.

 

He _misses_ Alex.

 

**To: Baby Girl <3**

[8:34] you're never allowed to go to jersey again.

 

It barely takes Alex thirty seconds to respond.

 

**From: Baby Girl <3**

[8:34] wish you were here :(

 

He's sleeping at the orphanage tonight, but Eliza's got the room and Peggy's crashing on the couch and he's honestly considering just falling asleep in this office chair. It's not even that late, it's kind of pathetic that he's tired.

 

He Face-Times Alex, and his heart flutters wondrously when Alex's face fills the screen.

 

"This sucks," they say at the same time. John laughs and Alex grins and it's better than nothing but John still wishes he was here.

 

"I hate Jersey," Alex mutters. He looks exhausted, his hair is wet and the bags under his eyes are more pronounced than they've been in a while. "I hate that I have this damn conference that I have to speak at, and I hate stupid inspectors who show up unannounced and ruin my plans."

 

"I know, baby," John sighs. Alex frowns.

 

"You're exhausted," he comments. "Long day?"

 

It really hasn't been, except for the cleaning and reorganizing and such, but John is drained. Something about Alex's absence literally takes away from John.

 

"I think we're too codependent," John announces.

 

Alex grins. "People have been telling us that for years, you just figured that out?"

 

"Fuck off," John says mildly. "I'm just saying. If you were here, I wouldn't be so exhausted. It's like when you're gone, so is a physical part of me, and it drains the hell out of me. I hate it when we're apart."

 

"That's gay."

 

"I hate you."

 

"No," Alex murmurs. His face is soft. "No, you don't."

 

John's fingers move to his pocket, where the small bag is always with him, just in case.

 

"No," he agrees. "I really don't."

 

They talk for a bit longer about unimportant things, swapping stories about their days. It's nice, but John still wishes he could be holding Alex's hand right now. Eventually he starts yawning so hard that he can't even finish talking, and Alex sighs.

 

"Go to sleep, baby," he says."I'll text you tomorrow, okay?"

 

"Miss you," John murmurs. His eyes are drooping closed. "Love you, Lex."

 

"I love you more," Alex whispers back.

 

The call disconnects, and John's asleep at the desk within minutes.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As he cooks breakfast, John can hear voices down the hall start to shout. Automatically, he's reaching for a dish towel to wipe his hands and go deal with the arguing, but the voices get louder and the front door slams then the house is silent again.

 

John frowns.

 

"Eliza?" he calls tentatively.

 

It only takes a moment before she's appearing in the kitchen, slightly out of breath and smiling tightly. "Good morning," she chirps. "Thanks for making breakfast today. The kids are up, most of them are getting ready for the day, they'll be ready to eat soon."

 

"Breakfast is almost finished," John responds. He narrows his eyes at her.

 

"Great," she says, voice pinched. She starts pulling dishes out of the cabinet to set the table, but her shoulders are tight and her movements sharp.

 

"Eliza," he drawls. She whips around. "What's going on?"

 

"Nothing," she snaps. Her shoulders sag after though, and guilt strikes her face. "I'm sorry. Nothing. I'm fine, everything is fine."

 

John's silent for only a moment. "Maria was here?"

 

Eliza flinches.

 

John reaches out and holds her hand, and it doesn't do anything to make it better but it's all he can think to do.

 

"We love you," he tells her.

 

"I know," she sighs.

 

It's hard, to think about your personal life when you've got babies in your care. John wants to sit her down and talk to her and find some way to help, but the kids start filing in and fussing about what's for breakfast and the time is gone.

 

There's not enough time in the day, John thinks, as he switches laundry into the dryer and warmes up a bottle for their youngest and tidies messes as they're made. There's not enough time, and Eliza comes out of the bathroom with swollen eyes but immediately picks up a crying baby and soothes him until he's fast asleep.

 

There isn't enough time, but the day is still one of the longest days of his life.

 

The inspector comes around 4, while the kids are reading or working on homework and while Eliza's preparing dinner. She's younger than John had expected, probably just a few years older than him, and she's got a kind face.

 

The kids go silent when she walks into the kitchen.

 

She introduces herself as Ms. Ross, and asks that they continue on like she isn't even there.

 

John is designated to give her the tour.

 

"We have all of the bedrooms on the upper levels, so down here is the kitchen and the dining area, the playroom and the study room, our office and the room for Eliza and I when we stay the night. The kids kind of use whatever space they want, however. It's important to us that we make sure they know that they can be comfortable here, especially if that means using up what space they want," John begins. Ross takes notes on her legal pad and nods to encourage him to continue.

 

"We have a few rooms on the first floor right now, and since we're still growing we haven't quite expanded up higher yet. The kids are separated by developmental stages, for the most part. Their bathrooms are down the hall. We try to give them each their own space in the rooms as well but we make it very clear that we have to share here."

 

"It says in your mission statement that it is your priority to foster children who understand the value of hard work and teamwork," Ross notes. "I must say that is exemplified in the way you run things."

 

John shrugs. "It's important to us that the kids we take care of know that we actually care. This isn't a temporary home until they're shuttled off to the next place for another few months. We love them, we make sure they go to good families, we check up on them if that's what they want. So many orphanages out there have failing programs where the people in charge don't put as much effort into the children as they could, and it raises up children who don't know how to understand or accept love when it does come their way. We want every child that comes through that door to know that they've got a shot at succeeding in this world and that they'll always have someone behind them."

 

Ross nods. "Do you mind showing me to the office?"

 

She toes around for a little while, and John leaves her to do her job to help the kids clean up their homework and prepare for dinner. When he does return to the office, she's sitting in the desk chair writing more notes in her legal pad.

 

"I hope those are all good things," he jokes.

 

Ross smiles at him. "Mr. Laurens, it's evident that you care about these kids and about this home. It isn't my intention to bring any harm to this place. I'm simply here by requirement of the state to ensure that things are running smoothly. What I've seen today has impressed me. I'd like to finish my inspection of the rest of the facility, if you don't mind, then I'll be out of your hair?"

 

Something akin to relief spreads through John's bones. He closes his eyes in gratitude. "Of course," he says. "If you have the time, you're more than welcome to stay for dinner as well."

 

"That's very nice of you," she laughs. "I appreciate the hospitality. And I'm sure Ms. Schuyler is an excellent cook."

 

She's walking out the door, John trailing behind her, when she stops suddenly. "Oh, and," Ross says, a gleam in her eye. She points back to the desk with the end of her pencil. "Perhaps you'd like to keep _that_ on your person. Just in case."

 

John's gaze droops down to the desk, then he's snatching up the bag and shoving it hastily into his pocket. Ross has a knowing look in her eye, startlingly similar to Eliza's. "Just in case," he agrees weakly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Alex comes home, and John kisses him desperately.

 

Ms. Ross left incredibly kind words about the orphanage, and practically ensured it's use for years to come.

 

And Alex finally struck a deal with one of the big name law professors over in Jersey. They've got _much_ to celebrate.

 

So they do. All night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, there's a festival in Central Park tonight," Alex says. John looks up from the file in his hands. "Herc and Laf were saying we should take Eliza to try and cheer her up a bit.

 

"Eliza's at the orphanage tonight," John murmurs. He flips a page and starts scanning the back.

 

Alex's phone chimes, and John looks up out of habit. "Angie and Pegs both agree she needs to get out for a night, they'll cover. What do you say?"

 

John blinks lazily. "Uh, a festival sounds fine. I just have to finish reading through these reports, is that okay?"

 

Alex presses a kiss to the top of John's head. "Of course," he says. "I'll go grade some papers while you finish that. Oh, and grab a coat before we go, it might get cold."

 

"Yes, dear," John says, but it's not as sarcastic as he intends it to be. Alex laughs like he knows, and he leaves John to his own devices as he exits the room. It doesn't take long for John to find the information he needs, so when he stands he rolls out his ankles and wrists and reaches for his coat out of habit.

 

He's smoothing everything down when he hesitates yet again, and reaches into the desk until his fingers wrap around that small bag.

 

"Just in case," he mutters, and he slips it into his pocket.

 

 

 

They walk to Central Park, since they've got time to kill and it isn't that much distance. They still hold hands, even after all these years, and Alex still traces patterns across John's fingers that he swears aren't words but John knows by now. It's a nice enough night, the sun hasn't quite set yet but it's getting there, warm enough that John barely needs his jacket at all. It's just the kind of night they need to cheer Eliza up, and John can't help but think it's a blessing in disguise.

 

A young woman's steps stutter when she sees Alex and John walking towards her. John watches as her gaze slowly dips down to their intertwined hands, watches as a fixated smile spreads across her face. There's a rainbow pin on the collar of her jacket and John smiles back at her and the night feels inexplicably infinite and beautiful.

 

Herc and Lafayette are waiting for them in front of the doors the the museum, William between them holding one of their hands and smiling from ear to ear. He struggles against their grips for a moment when he sees John, and when Hercules lets him go he darts down the stairs and practically launches himself into John's arms. "I missed you!" William sings, and John laughs. Alex presses a kiss to the top of William's head and goes to hug Hercules and Lafayette, and John holds William tightly to him.

 

"Where's Liz?" he asks, after Hercules has slapped him on the back and Lafayette has ruffled his hair affectionately. They look at one another.

 

"She said she was on her way," Lafayette says with a shrug. "She won't be too long, I'm sure. William, do yo want to tell John about all the cool things you got to see in the museum?"

 

William lights up and immediately launches into a speech about elephants and clothes and fossils. He's getting bigger every day, and it's already warm enough that John didn't need his jacket to begin with. He sets William down long enough to take off his jacket, which Lafayette takes without any questions, then William is climbing up John's leg and reaching for his arms again.

 

Alex has this overly fond look on his face, one that John can't quite describe; his eyes are wide and crinkled at the edges with laughter, his smile is soft but stretched from ear to ear. John can't help but roll his eyes at Alex when he's like this - but he leans forward and pecks Alex on the lips anyway. John knows he has a tendency to do the exact same thing.

 

While they're catching up, a taxi cab pulls to the side of the road, and Eliza is the one to step out. She smiles when she sees them, laughs at William when he shouts her name, and gives them all a hug and a kiss before taking William out of John's arms. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but.

 

Something is off.

 

John's frowning at her but she's smiling at cooing at William and something is _off_ but John can't tell what. When Hercules pulls William into his own arms and starts leading them across the street, John hesitates and puts a hand out to stop Eliza.

 

She looks guilty when he stops her and that's when he knows something is wrong.

 

"Give us a second," John says, smiling at everyone else. "We'll be over in just a second."

 

Alex blows him a kiss, and then he's walking across the street to the park with William, Herc, and Laf in tow. Eliza takes a deep breath next to him, and when John finally turns to face her again, she's staring at him in trepidation.

 

"Liz, you know I can always tell when something is wrong," John murmurs. He knows the others are likely watching, likely keeping an eye on them even as they laugh at William who chases birds in the front of the brick walls. But something is wrong and he knows it and he has to _check_.

 

She smiles sadly. "That's what makes us such good business partners."

 

" _Eliza_."

 

She sighs, and that's all it takes for the dam to break.

 

For the first time since John's known her, Eliza's shoulders start to shake and her composure breaks. John acts quickly and wraps her in his arms, rocking her slightly and soothing her as she shakes and cries. 

 

John has known her through many trials. He was there the first time they were denied for the orphanage; he was there when her favorite baby was fostered away. He was there for her when her mother passed away, he held her hand while Angelica was in the hospital. John has known her through so much of her life and he has _never_ seen her lose composure like this.

 

"Eliza," he murmurs. She clings to his back. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

 

"She's leaving me," Eliza cries miserably. "I said, 'Okay, lets have a baby' and now she's leaving me and I'll have no one."

 

Something cold starts spreading in John's chest. " _Eliza_ ," he says again, heartbroken.

 

All she can do is cry in response.

 

John holds her while she does, and he wonders how on earth he can fix this.

 

She pulls away, rubs messily at her eyes and laughs pitifully when she finally looks at John. "I was willing to compromise and get over my own fears and she's going to break up with me because of it."

 

"What can I do?" John asks. He gently reaches up, wipes away her tears with the pads of his thumb, wishes he could make it better.

 

She smiles sadly. "All I can tell you is to cherish what you have," she says. "You and Alex are so good for each other. Recognize how lucky you are and don't let him get away."

 

John frowns. He wants to _help_ , not talk about himself. "Eliza, how can I help _you_?"

 

She reaches up and pats his cheek affectionately. "John, there's nothing that can be done to _fix_ this. You know Maria; once she makes up her mind, it's made up. I'll find my happy ending eventually. What you can do now is tell me why the hell you're waiting to get yours."

 

John blinks.

 

"What do you mean?" he asks.

 

Eliza levels him with a look, still terrifying despite the way her eyes are rimmed with red. "I know what's in that little bag you hide and carry everywhere, John. I just can't figure out why you haven't done anything about it yet."

 

His heart skips a beat in his chest.

 

"Liz," John begins, but she cuts him off.

 

"Don't be afraid," she advises. "Waiting lost me my love. Don't make the same mistake."

 

It hits John like a fucking truck.

 

She's _right_ , John realizes, as she always is. He can't wait any longer; he doesn't _want_ to. He's not sure he can go another second without it.

 

"Eliza," he starts, but she's pushing him away already because she _knows_. " _Thank you._ "

 

He kisses her cheek and she laughs and pushes him away again and then he's _running_. William has led Hercules and Lafayette deeper into the park but Alex still waits by the entrance. Laf still has his jacket but he can't _wait any longer_. When Alex sees John crossing the street he lights up into a soft smile. John crashes into him, his fingers are searching almost desperately for Alex's, and when they finally slot together the world slows to a standstill.

 

"Whoa there, tiger," Alex laughs. "Where's the fire?"

 

"Come with me," John says urgently, and he pulls Alex farther from Laf and Hercules, into the park as secluded as they can get. Alex is still laughing but he follows happily where John goes.

 

"Seriously, John, what's your hurry?" Alex is saying, grinning from ear to ear.

 

"Will you marry me, please?" John gasps out.

 

Alex lets out a sharp breath.

 

His grip slackens in John's hand. His face shows significant shock, eyes wide and mouth opened as the question processes through his head. This isn't how John wanted to do it, he had a _plan_ , he had an _idea_ \- but he _can't_ ; he cannot go another second without being engaged to Alex, he _can't_.

 

"What?" Alex whispers.

 

A laugh sort of bubbles out of John, half-hysteric. Alex must think he's insane.

 

Gently, John leads Alex to the bench and sits him down. He squeezes Alex's hand; Alex, the one stable thing in his life, gently raises their intertwined fingers and places the softest of kisses on John's knuckles. Both their hearts beat in perfect harmony - irrationally synchronized.

 

"Alex," John whispers. "Alex, I love you so much. We've always talked about it, that this is forever for us. Nothing in this life is certain, things are starting and ending and it scares the hell out of me. You've been the only thing there by my side no matter what. Everything is changing."

 

"John," Alex starts.

 

John shuts him him quickly with a kiss. "Please let me finish?"

 

Alex laughs and rolls his eyes, horribly fond, but he's also crying a bit and so is John so he'll take what he can get.

 

"Everything is changing," he repeats. "So lets make a change, too. I don't want to go another day unless I get to call you my fiancé. I don't want to go much longer without calling you my husband."

 

Alex is full-on laughing now; tears are streaming from his eyes as he squeezes John's hands and laughs and cries and John's heart is absolutely _bursting with love_ , he's so in love with Alex it _hurts_ sometimes. His heart is pounding in his chest, swelling and soaring and he _loves this ma_ n, this man he's going to call his _husband_.

 

"Please, baby. Please marry me. Let's get married and move into a bigger place and raise babies and grow tomatoes, let's start rumors in the suburbs and go to farmer's markets on weekends and let's be sickeningly in love and happy for the rest of our lives. Let's have a beautiful wedding and invite all our friends and make them cry because it's lovely, let's have a simple life, a beautiful life, a long life. Please marry me, Alexander Hamilton. I love you worth a thousand lifetimes and I want to spend this one proving it to you. Will you marry me?"

 

There's a ring sitting in a small cloth bag, buried in the pocket of his jacket, which Lafayette is holding. There's a ring and he'll give to Alex as soon as he says yes, and it's a promise of what's yet to come.

 

Alex cries and cries and John leans forward and kisses the tears away as they fall from his eyes. The park is quiet around them, still for a change, but they're the only people in the world right now anyway and their fingers stay twined and it's the softest John's ever felt.

 

"You absolute ass," Alex says after a bit, when the tears have subsided a bit. He's breathless with laughter and his eyes are bright and wide. "If you would have just waited another thirty minutes."

 

He lets go of John's hand to reach into his own coat pocket then he's pulling out - _oh_.

 

John's own breath is knocked right out of him.

 

Alex holds a black velvet box in his hands, small and delicate and identical to the one John has for him. He opens it with shaking fingers and encompassed in the red cloth inside the box is an engagement ring.

 

"Oh," John says weakly.

 

Alex has started to cry again, his face splits into a grin and he can't stop _smiling_ at John - "I had a _plan_ , you asshole," he's saying, "but you had to beat me to the punch? If you'd have just waited thirty minutes - "

 

John surges forward and captures Alex's lips in kiss after kiss. They're fools, the both of them, but they're going to get married one day and John's hopelessly in love.

 

"Is that a yes?" Alex whispers against John's lips.

 

"You dick, I asked you first," John laughs. "Yes, _yes_."

 

"You know my answer is yes, too," Alex murmurs. Then he's slipping the ring on John's finger and it's a perfect fit and _they're engaged_ and John takes Alex's face in his hands and kisses him more fiercely than he ever has.

 

 

 

They walk down the path later, after they've taken a moment to cry and catch their breath. Hands intertwined, arms pressed together, unwilling to leave one another's side ever again, they walk down the path and suddenly it's lit up by the softest glow, candles on the path and rose petals. Alex is nothing if not all-out cliché, and he laughs but John follows the path anyway and starts to cry again when they reach the clearing where Alex had planned his proposal. Everyone is there, crying and recording the entire thing; Lafayette plays violin and William is straining against Hercules when he catches sight of John and Alex and it's absolutely _beautiful_.

 

"I should have waited," he says breathlessly, and Alex laughs and drags him forward.

 

He's already proposed, Alex has already given him the ring, but Alex gets down on one knee and proposes again without much ado and it's just as beautiful as it was the first two times.

 

William throws confetti and John gets the ring he'd gotten for Alex out of his coat and that's it, they're _getting married_ and they'll never have to go another day without one another.

 

Eliza's eyes are rimmed red. John worries that it's got less to do with her happiness for them and more to do with her personal life. He kisses her cheek gently and holds her a bit too tight.

 

"I'm sorry," he says.

 

"Don't be," she scolds. "Be happy, John. You're getting _married_. That's all that really matters today."

 

She wipes a tear away from underneath his eye. "I'm going to be fine," she promises. "For once in your life, John, think about yourself. Celebrate this moment, enjoy everyone being happy for you before the craziness of wedding planning starts. I'm happy for you. Be happy yourself."

 

He hugs her again and then it isn't long before everyone else is hugging him and congratulating him and oohing at the sight of his ring. He has Eliza to thank for any of this at all, and one day he swears he'll repay her for it.

 

Alex slips his hand into John's. The metal of the ring is cool to the touch, and John rubs his fingers along it happily.

 

They'll get married, one day, and live a domestically beautiful life together. John has done a lot of changing since the days he and Alex first began, but the simplest things remain the same and make it all the easier.

 

Their hands still fit together perfectly.

 

"Guess we'll have to update the terms and conditions of that forever deal now," Alex muses. His smile is soft as the glow surrounding them.

 

"I think we'll call them _vows_ this time.”

**Author's Note:**

> i am no longer an active part of the hamilton fandom, but if you need: you can find me on [tumblr](https://feuillyys.tumblr.com) crying abt les mis or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tannscotts) posting about various things.
> 
>  
> 
> comment, kudos, bookmark below!


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